


Paintings don't have plot twists

by Top40Trash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ASAHI IS TRANS, Art theif au, Gen, I think?, M/M, everyone else is going to have a cameo at some point, if not now then definitely later, probably, theres cursing somewhere?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-02 15:18:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4064767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Top40Trash/pseuds/Top40Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by http://tsukkiyamaforthesoul.tumblr.com/post/118305522624/au-where-tsukki-is-a-horrendously-poor-painter-and</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Obligatory Heist Setup Scene

Tadashi glided gracefully through the crowd of well-dressed strangers, stopping every few seconds to offer a canape off a silver tray. Nobody took much notice of the tall, slender waiter. His mop of blond hair and thick rimmed glasses made him recognizable; but there were a lot more interesting things in the room.

The glittering gentry circling were examining fine art. Paintings, specifically, a new exhibit dedicated to local artists. There were a couple well-known painting scattered around. The less art-inclined needed something to discuss, after all. But mostly it was poor, unknown artists, getting their first chance in the spotlight.

That was exactly why Tadashi was here.

His client wanted "something new"; the theif knew that he was rich enough to get "something new" for himself, but if Tadashi could get the considerable sum instead he wasn't going to point that out. So he picked up a few part-time jobs with high-end catering companies around the city; this was his fifth openening in as many weeks, and he had scouted plenty of paintings that were sure to make them happy. A few from this gallery especially had caught his eye, and he decided that with the amount of people here, he should hit this place before they were bought by other people.

When the viewing finished, he helped the other servers for the catering company pack up the van. There were laughs all around and grins on everyone's faces; could Shimada-kun come for a drink? No, no, he had a job interview tomorrow. They might not see him again, this job was only a temporary thing.

As he stripped the makeup off his face and tossed the glasses and wig on his dresser, Tadashi laughed to himself.

It wasn't exactly a lie, after all!


	2. Actions speak louder than Words

The warm air from the city streets combined with his loose dark grey sweats and long-sleeved hoodie kept Tadashi uncomfortably warm as he wiggled the lock picks in the gate and strolled into the alley between the gardens of the squashed apartment buildings. Galleries like these were so easy to hit, he mused; nobody ever expected art theives to go after small, local artists instead of the big names.

Most people just weren't aware that the best money to be made in the art theft world wasn't the Van Gohgs or the DaVincis; they drew too much attention, couldn't be displayed openly, and extravagent clients weren't willing to pay enourmous sums for no personal gain. The best money was small-scale artists in small galleries like this. The artist and gallery would settle with the insurance company, keeping it out of the news, and clients were willing to pay well because they could display it without drawing attention to themselves.

(Most clients also got a rush from knowing that they had done something somewhat illegal.)

Tadashi stopped behind the gallery and quickly slipped into the back basement stairway, pulling a brown bandanna that matched his skin over the bottom of his face. The theif had the door open in another few seconds and he darted in, leaving the portfolio behind as he frantically detatched the alarm system's control panel from the wall. Adreneline didn't stop pumping until half a minute later, when the power and communication systems had been sliced and his slightly shaky hands were dragging the portfolio inside. He took a deep breath and shook his head, shaking off the rest of the unsteadiness with a race up the stairs.

As the theif emerged from the basement, he glanced around and glided around to the next flight of steps up. The pieces he wanted were on the third and fourth floors; the first and second were all sculptures, and he shuddered to imagine someone asking him to steal a five-foot matrix of broken glass and cotton balls near the stairwell.

Reaching the third floor, Tadashi wasted no time pulling on a pair of thick gloves and sticking his wire cutters in his pocket. The first painting he worked on was the biggest, and he paused to appreciate the subtle tones in the water before falling to work. It was a complex process; even though the alarm had been disabled downstairs, he still had to snip the transmittors off the backs of the paintings just in case. And then he had to detatch it from the wall, and then he had to feel over it to make sure there were no extra tracking devices. Under the bandanna his tounge poked out the side of his mouth, fingers probing under the wooden frame until he was satisfied there was nothing there. The painting was slid into the portfolio, and he hopped to the next one.

About a half hour later, the theif flexed his fingers. He had just slid the fourth and final canvas into the portfolio, and was snapping the oversized folder up when he saw it.

The canvas was extremely small; about the size of his palm, maybe a little bigger than a generic post-it note. The pedestal it rested on was short and blended in with the wall perfectly. But the painting, oh, the painting; as Tadashi stepped towards it, he could see how much detail was in the city scene. Dark windows and lit ones, pedestrians and their shadows, different colors of asphalt and a hint of iron grey cloud. Was that the glow of the main shopping district on the skyline? He could have fallen off the edge of the roof it was painted from.

_My Manager is a Dick, Tsukishima Kei; Gouache on canvas_

Tadashi ~~laughed~~ was here to steal four paintings for his client.

His arms seemed to move on their own, instinctively cutting and probing and sliding the tiny painting into the depths of the portfolio before he realized what he was doing.

Well, it was so small...

It wasn't like it could hurt him, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'LL MEET TSUKKI SOON I PROMISE BUILDUP IS SO MUCH FUN


	3. He could have stolen a more expensive one, at least

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we finally meet our starving artist of the month and there are cameos and references everywhere!! (edited)

Tsukishima Kei woke up far too early on a Monday morning to the tune of "Price Tag", by Jessie J. (It was a _purely_ ironic song, chosen _only_ for the ringtone of the galleries he had contacted). The "gallery" part took a few seconds to register, and then his hand shot out to grab the offending object.

"Hello? Ah, Tsukishima-san?". At the deep voice the blond shot up in bed, groping for his glasses. "Azumane-san? Uh, good morning. Is something wrong?". The pessemistic words couldn't hide the hopeful tone in his voice.

"Well, actually...I'm really, really, terribly sorry about this!!! Believe me, this was the last thing I ever expected to happen.". Kei paused with glasses in hand, visibly drooping at the other's rambling. "But, well...it appears that someone broke into the gallery last night. One of your paintings was stolen!".

Asahi twirled a loose strand of hair around her finger, glancing at the police officers discussing something in the corner of the room.

"One of my paintings was...stolen?". Kei frowned at his blurry room.

"I'm really really so sorry about this!!! We just had a new security system installed last month! This never should have happened! The theif just, well, completley ruined the system. It's terrible, truly, if I had known how easily someone could have gotten past it--!!!".

"Azumane-san, calm down, please; what...". Why would someone steal one of his paintings? Was it really...who would steal one of _his_ paintings? He pressed his fingers to his temples, glasses momentarily forgotten as he collected his thoughts. "Uh, which one was it?".

"The, My Manager is A...the small one.". The gallery owner ended weakly. "Tsukishima-san, I really am terribly, terribly sorry about this, but do you think you could come to the gallery? We have to discuss with the insurance agents, and such...".

"Right, yes.". He squeezed his temples again. "I'll be there as fast as I can.".

"Ah, thank you so much! Really, again, I'm so, so, sorry about this--".

"I'll see you soon, Azumane-san.". Kei hung up the phone. He stared at it, face blank, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Fingers curled into the sheets on his bed, then stilled for a few moments. He rolled off the bed suddenly. He shoved his glasses on, brushed under his eye with his hand, and stormed towards the bathroom.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

"Tsukishima-san!". Asahi sighed as the tall blond walked through the doors of the gallery, sporting a grey t-shirt and jeans in contrast to the owner's tight blouse and pencil skirt. "That was fast, thank you so much. The police are upstairs, they'll want a statement from you. Noya-kun is talking to the insurace agents right now, so...". She trailed off , blinking at the artist, who nodded and brushed past her.

"So the painting was titled...My Manager is A Dick?". The cop glanced down at his clipboard, ran a hand through his close-cropped hair, and looked back up at Kei. He nodded in assent. "And it was three by three, a city scene on canvas?". Another nod from the taller man, as he glanced around the taped-off gallery. He scribbled something else on his paper. "Are there any defining features you feel we should know about?".

"Ah...I put strawberry doodles on the backs of my paintings.". Kei glanced away from the officer, whose mouth struggled between neutrality and a smirk. 

"Color or black and white?".

"...Black pen, usually.". 

"Sawamura-san! The same case again?". A grey-haired man in a sharp suit strode towards the pair, drawing their attention.

"Sugawara-san.". The officer nodded crisply, and the man in question looked up at Kei next.

"And you must be Tsukishima-san! Sugawara Koushi, representing the Audubon Insurance company.". They shook hands. "Now, about your painting-".

"When should I be getting it back?". He interrupted, silencing the agent and making the cop wince.

Sugawara forced a weak smile onto his face. "...Well, I'm here to discuss the insurance money on it, you should-".

"Listen, Tsukishima-san.". Sawamura interrupted the agent again, drawing a nasty glance. "The truth is," the officer shrugged, "It's rare in an art theft to get the painting back.".

"It's not like it's some untraceable thing, though, is it?". The blond frowned down at the other two men. "It's a unique thing that should be pretty easy to identify, right?".

"The identification isn't the issue.". He gave a long-suffering sigh. "The issue is that nobody _wants_ to identify it. You're fairly new to the reatil art community, right?". Kei hesitated, then nodded. "When art thevies steal, one of two things will usually happen. The theif will sell to another gallery or retail shop, or right to a private collector. Either way," The officer shook his head "More often than not, the art is just lost in transaction. Nobody keeps records, nobody checks credentials. You would expect that for the money they pay these people would be a lot more careful!". The final sentence ended with a sharp huff. Sugawara ruffled his hair, nodding.

"It's a terrible system, honestly. It should be a lot more regulated than it is, but if life was perfect...". The agent shrugged. "We do the best we can.". Kei frowned, opening his mouth quickly but closing it before he said anything else. The shorter man gave him a sympathetic smile before pulling out a black smartphone. "Now, I've already gone over all the details with Nishinoya-san. All I need from you is a confirmation on the price your painting was going for...?".

Kei knotted his fingers together in front of his hips. "Hundred and five.". Sugawara tapped away on the phone and nodded, sliding it back into his pocket and giving the taller man one last apologetic smile. 

"I am sorry about your painting. Maybe you'll be one of the lucky few, huh?". With that, he turned and walked away. The two remaining men watched him for a few moments before returning their attention to each other. Sawamura coughed awkwardly, and fiddled with his collar. 

"So, where were you last night?".

"You're kidding.". Kei narrowed his eyes. The officer shrugged and tapped the end of his pencil on the clipboard impatiently.

"I had a shift at my job until ten, then I went home, did some art, and went to bed. Around one, I think?".

"Where do you work?".

"Chowder and Clowder. It's a restaurant, over on the corner of Whitewater and Eyrie.". The officer's eyes lit up with recognition for a moment, and he nodded and jotted it down. 

"And can anybody confirm when you went to bed?". The artist thought for a moment.

"The guys who live across from me came home around midnight? They might have seen my light on.". Sawamura nodded again. 

"Alright, well, that's it. We'll contact you if we need more information, or if a lead turns up.". Kei nodded and started to turn away, before the officer coughed. 

"I wouldn't give up hope, you know? Sometimes we get them back.". The blond blinked for a second. 

"Alright. Thank you, Officer." 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Tadashi scrolled down another gallery's online listings. It had been a while; he had to make sure all the pieces he had picked out were still there. His phone was next to his arm, waiting on a call from his current client. He glanced down at it, then back up. Oh, good; the abstract/beach scene was still there!

_Dubstep is annoying on repeat; Tsukishima Kei_

S h i t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a lot longer than I was expecting (and turned out a lot longer too!), mostly because I had to do a crapton of research on how art theft is dealt with etc etc. Worth it though! I don't know if i'm going to get another one up very soon because I have finals all this week, and I'm going on this big international trip for basically all of July...i'll try, though! This is really fun omg.
> 
> (+5 awesome points to whoever can guess A. Tsukki's manager and B. Yama's client! There was a reference to B and his rival in this chapter i fucking dare u find it)


	4. The Mysterious Client Appears on the Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is that on the phone?

Tadashi pressed his lips together, tapping the side of the prepaid phone. His recent client's bodyguard was contacting him soon; the next heist would be tonight. Then, before the next could clutter up the small apartment more, he would be trading the paintings for cash.

Tadashi almost cheered when the screen of his phone finally lit up with the guard's number.

"Shimada here!"

"It's Harenezumi." The familiar deep voice greeted him. "Have you gotten all the paintings you promised for Saturday yet?"

"No, but I should have them all by tomorrow."

"Tomorrow, huh? Planning something big for tonight?"

"...What, are you gonna turn me in?" That was too late to be teasing, damn.

"You're lucky your useless job makes my boss happy." The audible distaste almost made him flinch, but no sign of doubt appeared in his voice.

"Thanks. So, where's the meeting place going to be?" Silence for a few seconds.

"East of the boardwalk's east end, there's an old stone pier. You come at eleven p.m, Saturday night, alone." Tadashi scribbled the information on the cardboard of a legal pad.

"With seven paintings."

"Correct."

"Alright, I'll see you."

He hung up fast, and Tadashi stretched as he put the phone down. Man, that guy didn't approve of him at _all_...he could usually stand up to people, but even his voice was indimidating. The codename helped, at least. He absently wondered if he had chosen it himself.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

And then Tadashi waited.

And waited.

And waited.

He waited for the loud shouts of kids leaving school to move to the park not far from his apartment. Then the chaotic noises of rush hour filled the air, and he shoved the windows shut to muffle them.

And he waited.

He pulled pencils and a sketchbook out of a drawer and blocked out the crumpled sheets on his bed for what must have been the millionth time. Light here, shadow there, the shapes and arrangements were similar but never the same twice.

Could he pack as much detail into this drawing as Tsukishima-san did into his?

The thought startled him, not because it was the first time it had struck him, but because it wasn't. Tsukishima-san was a real artist; just starting out, maybe. But he had work in a gallery and plenty of skill. Who was he, anyways? Tadashi wondered why he hadn't thought to google the name before, but now he did. He had a lot of things; a twitter for promoting the shows he was in, a tumblr and a paetron and a youtube. They were all full of speedpaints and finished products, and even more show promotion. Absolutely nothing personal, which made sense, but was dissapointing anyways. The speedpaints entranced Tadashi, watching Tsukishima fill canvas after canvas with color and form. Abstract, still life, landscape; this guy did _everything_.

His rumbling stomach startled him out of his trance. He blinked, then squinted, and dashed to the kitchen to whip up dinner. How could it be ten at night already???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE!!
> 
> bless you guys for waiting this long, i've been writing and deleting and rewriting since the beginning of august aaaaaaa. So here we go! Things happen! Stuff changes! More characters are being introduced! What fun!
> 
> (let's play a game; how many characters can I namedrop before the fic is over?)


	5. Even busy CEOs have to have some fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

When Tadashi slithered back into his apartment from the fire escape, it was nearly three in the morning. He hauled the bulky portfolio in after him and sat down on the floor, staring at the opposite wall. 

There was another painting by Tsukishima Kei slipped in the leather folder. 

His brow wrinkled, thinking hard. Should he try to return it? It might be best, just to keep variety in the paintings. The police didn't know the small one had been an impulse thing, after all. But they were two different galleries, two different styles of painting, even; would it matter that much? Tadashi had never chosen what to grab by artist, after all. So he fancied an artist; it had happened before without him noticing, he was sure. So why was he so worried now? It wasn't like the guy had trouble producing art. The sheer amount of shows he had peices in proved that. Even though each work of art was special, and the effort put into each peice was no small amount either...

It was too late to return it, anyways. What could Tadashi do? Re-attatch all the transmitters? He would just make sure not to touch anything by him for a while, and it would work out. He would keep stealing and Tsukishima would keep painting, and the world would go on. The strange feeling in the pit of his stomach would go away; he probably just drank some bad milk or something.

\--------------

Kei couldn't beleive his ears. "What? Stolen?" _AGAIN???_

The teary words of Yachi Hitoka, well-known gallery and museum curator, reached him over the line. "I'm SO SORRY, Tsukishima-san!!! It's sooooo weird!!! It's like the theif is a ghost; he just vanished!!! And he took some of my favorites, too!!! I feel so bad!!!"

He wrinkled his nose at the profuse apologies, massaging both his temples with one hand. "It's...alright, Yachi-san. You need me to come down to the gallery to talk with the police, right?"

"Thank you so much for being so understanding, Tsukishima-san, I'll make it up to you, I promise!! You can put another painting in the show!!! What about that tiny cityscape with the title about your manager or something? That was extraodinary!!!"

"Ah...it's...already been sold, actually." He winced, pressing the sides of his head harder. "Thank you for the offer, though."

"Of course, Tsukishima-san!!! I should have expected, you art is always wonderful!!!"

"Thanks you for the kind words, Yachi-san. I'll be there as soon as I can be."

\--------------------------------------------

"You can't catch a break, can you?" Sawamura called from the other side of the grand gallery when Kei walked in, smiling sympathetically. Kei strolled over, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his cardigan. Yachi blinked. 

"What do you mean, Sawamura-san?"

"Ah? Oh, Tsukishima-san seems to be popular with the art theft community. Another one of his paintings was stolen a few weeks ago."

"Haaaaah?!? Really?!?" Her face fell, and she pivoted to face Kei, bowing deep. "I'm so sorry, Tsukishima-san!!! This must be terrible for you!!!" 

He grimaced. "It's not your fault...can we just get this over with? My shift at work starts soon."

Sawamura nodded. "Same questions as last time. Title, materials...we already have your artistic signature on file."

Kei sighed. "It was called Dubstep is Annoying on Repeat...it was like, ten by twenty-four, portrait orientation. Mostly tempera paint and premade nail decals, but there was tissue paper for texture too. Do I need to talk to the insurance agent again?"

Sawamura raised his eyebrow at the materials list as he jotted it down, then shook his head as he put the pad away. "No, Yachi-san has already taken care of everyone's claims. You just missed Sugawara, actually."

"Do you two work on every case together?"

He shrugged, glancing away, and even Kei couldn't miss the light flush on his face. "No, it's just been lately...coincidences, really. He's good at his job!"

"I hope we get them back, Tsukishima-san!!!" Yachi interjected, bouncing to her tiptoes. "And I meant what I said!!! If you pick a new piece, I'll put it in the show!!! Any piece you want, even!!!"

"Ah--thank you, Yachi-san. That's very kind. I'll have that picked out soon, then...thank you." Kei bowed slightly, lacing his hands in front of his hips, and then glanced back at Sawamura. "If that's it, I need to go to work now."

"Yeah? Alright, go ahead. We'll contact you if we need more information or get a lead, same as always."

"Yeah. Thanks, Sawamura-kun."

\------------------------------------------------------

"You've got some seriously bad luck, huh?" Kuroo leaned over the counter next to Kei, watching him scrub at the plates in the sink. "Two paintings!"

"Mh." Kei grunted, working on one annoying stuck-on stain. "It was just a coincidence, it won't happen again."

"Oho!" Kuroo grinned up at him, leaning on one arm. "Careful, Megane-san! You'll jinx yourself!"

"Don't you have to micromanage Yammamoto's chopping or something?"

"How cruel! I'm just trying to make friendly conversation!"

\---------------------------------------------------------

Tadashi leaned himself and his portfolio against the old pier, glancing at his watch. It read 11:15; was Harenezumi late? That wasn't like him.

All of a sudden, he became aware of people approaching him; two voices, one low and gruff, one high and whiny. That must be him and...his boss? That was new. He had never met the man behind the money before. 

"Shimada-san." Harenezumi grunted in greeting, ignoring the taller figure. "I see--"

"So this is the famous theif, huh?" The man Tadashi could only assume was Harenezumi's boss giggled, hands on his hips. "Wish I could see him better...Oi, Shimada-kun, what kind of technique do you use? It's not like a smash and grab, right? Naaah, you're too good for that. I bet you're one of those people that goes for like, disabling the whole system, instead of just the tracking stuff-!" Harenezumi elbowed him, earning a yelp of protest. 

"Shimada-san, this is my boss...Whitewater-san." The exasperation in his voice was obvious, and Tadashi couldn't hold back a cackle. 

"That's kind of a long codename...he pick yours too, Ha-re-ne-zu-mi-san?"

"Well, why shouldn't they be long? Nobody's going to think they're our real names, anyways." White? Water? stated. "Anyways, don't you think Iw-; I mean, Hare-chan definitely looks like a hedgehog?" He whipped a flashlight out of his pocket and flicked it on, throwing both their faces into dramatic releif. 

"'Least my attitude doesn't belong in the trash like yours does." Hare snorted, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Can we just see the paintings already?"

"'Course, 'course." Tadashi shrugged himself off the wall, opening the portfolio and pulling out the first one to come to hand. It wasn't one of Tsukishima's; it was a watercolor splatterpaint by some guy named Moniwa. He had picked it up during the first heist. Bossman stepped forward and grabbed it eagerly, holding it out and turning the flashlight on it. 

"Hare, Hare, look!! Look at these colors, they're gorgeous! It'll go great in the public living room, don't you think? So pastel and light, but still so colorful. Man, Ushiwaka-chan's gonna be totally jealous!"

"Yeah." He smiled slightly, tilting his head to the side. "It is...really nice."

"So." Tadashi cleared his throat. "Twenty K, right?"

"Right." Hare tore himself away from his cooing boss and dragged a duffel Tadashi hadn't seen before from the shadows, tossing it his way. In return he got the paper portfolio with the rest of the art, and Tadashi turned away in relief.

"See you soon, Hare. Gimme a call when you want to meet up next."

"Shimada-kun!" The boss whined, looking up from the painting. "You still haven't told me what your technique is!"

"Are you really that curious? I'm sure you can find out by yourself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY MY UPDATES ARE SO IRREGULAR THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME!!!!!!! I'm really determined to finish this, I promise, which actually might be in the next few chapters! I'm not entirley sure, depending on what I want to explore, but eventually I will finish!!! I promise!!!
> 
> So, if anyone goes back to chaper 3; whitewater & eyrie streets are for oikawa and ushijima! (-kawa is river, and eyries are what eagle nests are called). I've known I wanted Oikawa to be the mysterious client from the start, so i'm really happy he and iwa are finally really in the story! I think iwa at least might end up playing a large part in the end. Also kuroo makes his first apperance! he'll also probably end up being fairly major! and daichi, obviously (sorry to those who thought he was the client, hehe.)
> 
> i have a few more places for in-show characters in my head, but from here on out it's probably going to be fairly minor one-off things. so i'm really looking forwards to heading towards our climax!!
> 
> thanks again for stickng with this!!


End file.
